I have realized that I am - for the most part - 'content'. By no means do I have everything I want (I don't), and being content does not necessarily mean I am happy all the time. I'm not. Contentment is something else altogether. One definition says it means being satisfied and at peace with yourself, another says if one is content, one is more likely to be grateful for small pleasures. That sounds about right.
I am grateful for small pleasures; the smell of lilacs and the wonderful scent of those flowering trees that I do not know the name of. I am grateful for the birds that come to my yard and my feeders. I am thankful for the warm air and the sunny days. Grateful too for the rain that nourishes my garden. The gentle rains are best. I can sit under the eaves and enjoy the feel of the mist on my skin, the cool breeze on my cheek, the scent of damp earth; listen to it as it lulls me to sleep at night.
I am also grateful for the bigger things in life, like my daughters, and having a house to live in and a car to drive, thankful and blessed that I can afford to have them.
I sometimes think of the things in my life that I've missed out on, things I never had, but I try not to dwell on them because I have so much. And I truly am grateful. And on days when I'm not so content? Mostly I make travel plans. Grateful of course that I am able to travel. And while I may not have the means to travel round the world, I am able to do some traveling. It nourishes my soul.
I'm trying to decide where my next trip will be. There are so many places to see. Maybe I should toss a coin, or throw a dart at the map. Or just decide where I would feel most relaxed, a place I can take lots of photos. Some days I am content to think about it. But that is not action, and that will never get me out of this chair.
Content I may be today, but tomorrow I will be antsy, and bored, and in need of a change of pace. I'm good with that too. It keeps life interesting.