Positively Tuesday: Positively Tired of Winter

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Positively Tired of Winter

by Mauverneen

I’ve had enough. I’m done hibernating. We’ve had one of the longest, coldest winters in 30 years, not to mention the snow. We could have held the Winter Olympics in my backyard. When are they officially going to add snow shoveling as an event? It’s got all the criteria you need – speed, form, endurance, even separate divisions; powered and non-powered.

Endurance event

Sidewalk maneuvering is another event we’ve all been entered into this winter. High five the cat if you make it back from the mailbox without falling! Distance counts for the most points in this one. Assume the stance – arms out, slightly hunched over, then its baby steps as you creep along the ice. Bonus points if you can do this and carry groceries at the same time. (Watch out - he's slipped! Can he stay upright? Yes! He does it! And he is still holding both of his six-packs!)

Maneuver this!

And of course – winter driving. Ahh yes, winter driving. The most highly entered event. Unless you’re the one in the snowplow you can compete. The events are: Actually Driving ON the Road During a White-out; Intersection Slide-through – extra points if you don’t hit the other guy also sliding through (Watch this replay folks. She's just millimeters away from getting a deduction); Getting Un-stuck – a timed event with higher marks for not using shovels, carpet remnants or kitty litter (of course no sissies with chains allowed in this event); and Sideways Bridge Sliding – always thrilling to watch. Roof Clearing is an arbitrary event which is not held every season and changes venue as deemed fit.

New school bus??

Only two more events to get through and then spring should be here! Mardi Gras, also known as fat Tuesday, when we down Hurricanes, Jambalaya, Gumbo, and paczki, (we're equal opportunity gluttons) and in less than two weeks we have St. Patty’s day. Just enough time to sober up for that event when anything goes as long as you're wearing, or have colored some part of your body green. Boy, do we ever need two parties this month. It just might help get us to spring.

Wear the green - or else!

Speaking of spring, the Chicago Flower and Garden Show is also this month. I’ll be there for sure. I cannot wait to see and smell the flowers. Meet me there. You’ll recognize me – I’ll be the one rolling in the greenery wearing the snow-shoveling medal.